Lessons in Collectivism

Mentoring someone from a different culture has been quite a lesson in humility. I thought I understood privilege, but I still get taken off guard when my assumptions come back to kick me in the teeth. I've noticed it the most with my ideas around giving and possessions. When I give someone a gift, I expect that it will remain the property of the person I gave it to and that the person will treasure it as a token of my esteem and affection. Not necessarily so.

Look, I understand regifting and giving stuff to the thrift store if you hate it, if you really hate it, or it doesn't fit or something. For years, my grandma gave me frou-frou sweaters that were two sizes too small for me. Wishful thinking on her part--that I liked teddy bears and sequins on my clothes and that I would somehow magically be thin. So those went to Goodwill. But having your sister or your mom or your grandma just take the gift that was given to you and do with it what she pleases is absolutely foreign to me.

And I guess that's the essence of cultural misunderstanding and privilege, isn't it? I judge that behavior, and I want to intervene. My big-sister protective gene kicks in. Who takes a little kid's stuff anyway?

My sister Lindsey, wise person and counselor-in-training that she is, says, "They're collectivists." Of COURSE! How did I miss this? Me, who believes that socialist medicine can peacefully co-exist with capitalism. But my training is so strong, and my individualism so carefully maintained, that I needed someone with a different perspective to point out the flaw in my thinking. My mentee's mom had hinted that I was spoiling her daughter--apparently taking her to free craft classes, giving her a pumpkin at Halloween, and going out for chicken at Boston Market is a big deal. And giving her things? I think somehow that doesn't fit with their idea of what a mentor should be and do.

So I'm adjusting my thinking. Gifts should be for the whole family. Everything is considered community property. The pumpkin was turned into food rather than the jack-o-lantern I expected. A necklace that little one made with my expensive vintage beads was broken on the first day, and the beads were lost. A birthday gift card was appropriated. And this family gave up a whole room for a relative and his kids to live in for several months until he can move back to his country of origin. They took in a third dog and fostered him until they could find him a home. They eat dinner together around a big table in the kitchen.

I have much to learn.

The Little Things

My friend Emily and I hold each other accountable for our "daily joys," the little things that we give ourselves to feel happy, alive, and grateful. She loves her morning coffee, good-smelling candles, and organizing her house. The gifts I give myself are eating lunch on the deck, walking in the sunlight, strolling through my garden, and taking the time to cook good food.

Our lives are comprised of millions of moments, each with the potential for joy. What do you give yourself?

At the End of the Day

Projects have been evaluated, grades have been submitted, and another quarter is done. And upon reflection, teaching in the Graduate School of Social Work at DU is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. DU is simply a fab place to work. Even adjunct faculty (that's me) are treated with respect and given plenty of resources to do the job right. The environment is inclusive, and the students are thoughtful and intelligent. Watching social workers prepare to do good in the world makes me joyful.

All of that is good and right, but really, why do I teach? It's not the money; once you figure the time invested, the hourly rate is relatively low. It's not the prestige; as an adjunct faculty, there is none. It's not that I need to be an expert; I've been a big fish in a little pond plenty of times, and it's lost its luster.

So what it boils down to is connection--one human being relating to another. I lead, I facilitate, I guide, I show. I ask them to step outside their comfort zones. They help me stretch my boundaries and take down my walls. I respect them, and they respect me. We get to know each other: likes, dislikes, attitudes, personalities, quirks. We have lengthy, meaningful conversations. We give each other feedback. I watch them go from being fearful about money to feeling in control and excited about their future leadership in nonprofit organizations. I'm proud of them. We are connected.

I am an educator.

Happy Thanksgiving!

As I think about what I'm grateful for, I'm surprised by how different my life is this year than last. So much has changed, and I've brought about all of that change because I've had the space to find my values and power again. And I am oh-so-grateful for that space. Here's what else makes my heart light:

The robins having a little party in my garden today

Being part of the DU community

My students and the lessons they teach me

Milo the nephew dog

My sister Lindsey

My partner Gary

My mom

The clients who make me laugh

The lovely house I live in and the garden that surrounds me

Beads and making pretty baubles

Emily, Shannon, Heather, Amy, and Merry, who have been friends through good times and bad

Having my mentee, Consuelo, in my life

The staff and fellow board members at Smart-Girl

Barack Obama

Music! There was a great series of essays about music on This American Life (a show aired on NPR) last weekend, and one of the people on the show said this: "A chord here... A chord there... And your heart splits open." Yeah.


Blessings upon you.

Keep Your Chin Up

People marvel at my ability to stay positive in the face of the continued rejection that is a normal part of the job search. "What are my options?" I always ask. To wallow in self-pity? To despair? To externalize it and blame it on others? None of those sound very appealing to me. And those qualities certainly aren't very appealing to potential employers.

The last set of interviews was so strange that I had to keep telling myself to keep my chin up, though. First, I wrote the engaging cover letter and convincing resume that showed how my skills matched their needs. Passed that hurdle. They checked my references before even offering an interview. Passed that hurdle. Got an interview.

The first interview was with nine people and was a "you have twenty minutes to answer these questions" scenario. They didn't interact. They took detailed notes the entire time. I, on the other hand, was on it. I was charming. I was smart. I was well spoken.

This was immediately followed by a twenty-minute timed written test. I proved my ability to think on my feet; use technology; assess the need for, develop, and implement an educational program; and write persuasive marketing collateral. I was on it. I knew the material. Writing is one of my many well-honed skills. I work well under pressure. Passed those hurdles. Got the second interview.

OK, I thought, now they'll loosen up and have an actual conversation. Nope. No mention of the previous interview or anything that came before. The second interview was a "you have thirty minutes to answer these questions" scenario. No opportunity for me to ask questions or have a dialogue. At all. Their noses were buried in their papers the entire time. They barely nodded their heads to acknowledge I had spoken before moving on to the next question. I was not as smart or charming or well spoken as before.

Today I got the "no thanks" notice. I was disappointed. And I was relieved. An organization that has no room for conversation or interaction when deciding on the future leader of their organization doesn't have room for me.

Happy Surprises

I'm looking forward to Christmas lights. And snow. Every time fall rolls around, I can't help but think, "Christmas is coming, and spring's just around the corner!" My bulbs will poke their snouts up through the cold, cold ground because they can't wait any longer. That smell in the air of green things under the mulch... I digress.

Fall used to make me melancholy, but now my garden makes me appreciate every season. Its beauty is never ending. I enjoy caring for it: I clean it, I give it sustenance, and I invest time and energy and money in it. I watch it grow and change and feel a great sense of pride in how I've contributed to its loveliness. It delights and surprises me at every turn. The garden is like my child in many ways. And as if it were my child, I photograph it incessantly.

Here are some of the latest pictures of my darling one. The one with the little purple flowers is rosemary in bloom!

Change Has Come to America

As I write this, I am listening again to Barack Obama's presidential acceptance speech. And I am crying, again. This man moves me. He moved America. He represents hope--for Americans, but also for the rest of the world, which has been watching this race so closely and with bated breath.

But it's not just his philosophy of inclusion or his motivational way of speaking or his politics that move me to tears. I simply didn't think that America had grown up enough to see past skin color or gender, nor did I believe it would happen in my lifetime. But clearly this baby is moving out of the "terrible twos" and learning to say more than "No!"

I have never in my life been as happy to say that I was wrong. I am so proud of us I feel like my heart will burst.

That's Ms. CPA to You

A colleague I worked with always made me laugh by calling me Ms. CPA, which was a play on my credentials: MS, CPA. Recently a consultant I hired to give me advice about my job search suggested that perhaps my identification with my credentials is getting in my way. Why? Because it calls to mind the image of... I'll let you fill in the blank. What do you think of when you think "Certified Public Accountant"? Exactly. And that isn't me.

I didn't go down the path of the CPA who pays her dues at the public accounting firm, which is what you're supposed to do. (This was an early clue that I was not destined to fit in anyone's mold.) It just seemed, well, mundane and boring. Plus I knew exactly one woman who had made it big in public accounting, and she paid for it with a divorce and missing her kids' childhood. Now there's a ringing endorsement.

I'm nontraditional and anti-establishment in many ways. I was never a "public accountant." So why do I keep my license up to date? Why do I readily tell new networking contacts that I'm a CPA and forget to mention other important facets of my professional life (e.g., I'm an adjunct faculty member at DU, I volunteer at three different organizations, I own three businesses)?

Because I'm an ESTJ. Because I can process data and its relationship to the big picture faster than most people. Because I love numbers and the story they tell. Because I enjoy telling that story to other people. Because CPAs follow a code of ethics I believe in.

It's hard for people to reconcile my outgoing and friendly nature with the fact that I'm a CPA, and that's why my consultant recommended that I de-emphasize my financial background during the job search. She said that people want a CEO who is, above all, charming, and I throw them off with the financial credentials. I've followed her advice, and we'll see how it pans out.

But in the end, I'll always be Ms. CPA to you.

From Career Ladder to Career Lattice

Last week I attended a women's leadership luncheon sponsored by Deloitte LLP at the invitation of the Women's Foundation of Colorado. Sharon Allen was the keynote speaker--she's the Chairman of the Board of Deloitte, an accounting and consulting firm (yes, they still call her the Chairman though she is a woman). She's also on the Forbes list of the 100 Most Powerful Women in the World.

Ms. Allen spoke about how they have implemented the concept of the "career lattice" at Deloitte in order to replace the traditional "career ladder." Gone are the days of the traditional step-on-everyone-to-get-to-the-top philosophy. Gone are the days of fighting for the next promotion and the next raise. Gone are the days of having to leave if you're going to have a family.

It took me a while to wrap my head around the idea, because I was taught to believe that if you aren't forever getting more money and power, you're lazy, boring, or incompetent. And if you did take time out for family or anything else, well, you'd pretty much have to start over at the bottom. This was the price we paid for being women in a man's world.

But Sharon Allen talked about being able to "dial up" or "dial down" your career at various points in your life without having to give it all up. Flexibility and respect seem to be the cornerstones of this approach. After it sank in, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. The world is starting to understand that women can add infinitely more value when they contribute from within their own framework.

If one of the most traditional, male-dominated industries in the U.S. has seen the light, we're closer to electing a woman president than I ever thought possible.

Joy Comes in Small Packages

The sun is shining and the weather is warm, warm, warm. I contributed time to Smart-Girl this afternoon that was meaningful--I built relationships and used my knowledge and skills. I scheduled a phone interview for an organization I believe in where I could most definitely WOW them as the CEO.

And I got a package in the mail today--the written evaluations from the class I taught at DU this summer. I was a bit reluctant to teach the Financial Management and Fundraising class in a condensed format--how would I ever fit it all in and keep them engaged? But I earned an "A"! My numerical scores were often 5.9 on a 6.0 scale. Here are some of the comments:

"Erin really cares about this subject and she is able to convey her vast knowledge succintly and effectively. I was impressed with her enthusiasm, preparation, and skill."

"Engaging teaching style"

"Erin did a wonderful job of finding ways to incorporate multiculturalism..."

"Instructor was knowledgable and able to go into specifics with real-life examples."

"Challenging both to experienced and inexperienced students"

Happy, happy, joy, joy! These are the days I live for.

I Don't Know How to Be a Superhero

I mentor a 13-year-old girl named Consuelo through an organization called Denver Kids. She's a good kid with a loving mom and two sisters who will be her friends for life. She's lucky because she's got a better start than a lot of kids in the program. I'm lucky because other mentors have to deal with drugs, pregnancy, and abuse. I may still face some of those issues with her, but I hope not. I want to see her graduate from high school and college without going through any major trauma. I want to see her be happy.

It was a huge decision, this committing to being a mentor. Frankly, I was terrified that I would do or say something wrong--that I would screw up somehow and mess up a kid for life. But I did it anyway. I jumped through all the hoops, including orientation, interviews with different organizations, fingerprinting and the background check, and lots of other stuff that I've blocked from memory because I want to convince my friends to become mentors too.

In mentor training, they said that every mentor is afraid of doing something wrong. They told us that we don't have to be superheroes; just being ourselves is good enough. They told us that our first responsibility is to always meet our commitments to the mentee. Our second job is to be a friend rather than a parent or teacher. Our third task is to be calm and nonjudgmental at all times and to set boundaries when necessary.

When Consuelo told me how she fights with her sisters, I told her that she was filled with light and love and to try to remember that in the moment. It's what I would tell my best friend. I hope it was right and good. It was me.

It's My Birthday Too

Well, the ol' birthday has rolled around again, and I'm feelin' fine. Gary played the Beatles birthday song for me and gave me beads. At a little gathering later in the day, I was surrounded by members of my fan club. I felt loved and cherished. Honestly, what more could I ask for?

Well, I do like a little gifty... And there were plenty of those--meaningful, fun, and funny presents chosen just for me. Here's one that had to be immediately set up on my desk. My very own "Day at the Beach," complete with shells, beach ball, and umbrella. One can dream.

Big Brother, How Far Is Too Far?

Google Maps has a photo of my house on their website. You can see the front of my cute little ranch and my beautiful garden. You can walk up and down my street and turn in a circle and see all of my neighbor's houses, too. In fact, my whole neighborhood, along with much of Denver and its suburbs, has been visually mapped and is available for the whole world to see.

It's so totally cool and kind of weird and creepy all at the same time. No doubt it will keep me from getting lost as I tool around here in the city. I'm one of those "turn left at the second church after the 7-11" kind of people rather than a "go south on Speer for 2.1 miles and then turn left on Larimer" kind of people. If I can see it, it's real. I truly appreciate of a tool that allows those of us who are "direction challenged" a fighting chance.

And I did go to Beijing, China on Google Maps to see what I could see. They have cute little suburban houses, palatial estates, and vast seas of tiny little apartments housed in big towers. I plan to travel to more destinations to improve my understanding of other cultures, even if it's just by looking at where they live.

So is the map project Big Brother going too far, or is it taking us one step closer to brotherhood?

People Do Change

(photo courtesy of www.freefoto.com)

Last year for our anniversary, I gave Gary a year's worth of quotes in a jar. I spent many hours looking for perfect quotes, printing them out in beautiful fonts, then making each one a unique piece of art using paper, stamps, pens, ribbon, and stickers. The quotes were by people Gary respected and admired, or words of wisdom I thought particularly apt given his circumstances.

Every week he pulled out a new quote and shared it with me. It was something we both looked forward to because it made us think. Finally, he reached the end of the quotes and, to my great delight, put them all back in the jar so that he could start over again.

Here's this week's quote, which comes at a time when I need to remember the beauty of the mysteries of my fellow man:

People do change,

and change comes like a little wind

that ruffles the curtains at dawn,

and it comes like the stealthy perfume

of wildflowers hidden in the grass.

~John Steinbeck

Good for a Laugh

My mom sent me a Herman cartoon that she cut out of the paper. It's a picture of one old guy in a suit sitting in an executive chair across a desk from another old guy in a suit. Old guy #2 is wearing a spotted, tall party hat with the big fringe around the bottom, and it's tilting slightly to one side. He's saying, "I always wear my lucky hat for job interviews."

My mom wrote a note on the edge of the cartoon: Erin--This may be why you never get the job.

I laughed out loud, and every time I look at it, it makes me smile. It was a welcome light note in a week of bad news, bronchitis, and bumming out. The lesson? Never, ever lose your sense of humor.

Complicated Schmomplicated

I volunteer for four organizations: the Women's Foundation of Colorado, Smart-Girl, Denver Kids, and the Women'sVision Foundation. I love it. It's a lot of work, but it's the right kind of work. The kind that makes me feel like I make a difference in the world. Like I'm using my skills in a meaningful way. I'm meant to do it. It's a core part of my being.

And the funny thing is, the more I do it, the more of those "Aha!" moments I have--the moments where I see how one concept relates to another, understand how important a new idea is, or see why it was so serendipitous that I introduced those two people to each other. When I explained this to a friend, he said those kinds of realizations seem to make things more complicated for him. And that's when I realized that I live for those moments. To me, "complicated" means interesting, challenging, and stimulating. The more complicated, the better.

My life is rich with complications.

How Do You Cycle?

Today I paid 75 cents more to buy a used book than I could have paid to buy the same book brand new. One less new book purchased is less raw materials and energy used to produce it. What would have been better is if I had shopped at the local used bookstore and found a copy there. That way, the carbon footprint would have been smaller because the book wouldn't have to be shipped to me. I'd also be supporting the local economy with my purchase and the 12.2% sales tax rate I pay for the privilege of buying goods in my town.

I'm also starting to keep non-recyclable plastic bottle lids. I know I'll be able to figure out a way to make them into cool jewelry if I put some creative energy into it. This is known as upcycling--taking something that would otherwise be thrown away and giving it new life.

We took our old electronic equipment to be harvested for parts instead of dumping it. We paid a small fee.

I made a bulletin board out of old champagne corks.

I recycle every scrap of paper, cardboard, and paperboard along with the plastics and glass that my recycle company will take. I'm considering starting to collect the plastics they won't take so that we can drop them off at a recycling plant where they're a little more enlightened.

A friend uses a dry-erase board rather than paper to take notes for something that he needs to remember only temporarily. This is an example of a practice known as precycling--figuring out how to do something differently so that you don't unnecessarily waste a resource in the first place.

Another friend is going to put a flagstone patio in her back yard. She listed her grass on Freecycle.com, and within a week, a guy came to cut her 100 square feet of sod and take it away. She got her flagstones from another friend who had taken out his patio.

What ideas and practices have you incorporated into your life that contribute to sustainability?

Everyone's a Poet

Gary and I celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary this year with a poetry date at Bear Creek Lake Park. We ate a gourmet picnic lunch, read poetry, and went for a walk on one of the many trails. Listening to the birds and cicadas was heaven.

One of the books I had checked out from the library was Pizza, Pigs, and Poetry: How to Write a Poem, an entertaining book written by our nation's first Children's Poet Laureate, Jack Prelutsky. Not only did I laugh out loud a few times, I got so tickled I snorted. Perhaps the pigs in the poems had an effect on me.

Mr. Prelutsky has lots of good advice about how to write poetry, even if you're not part of his target audience. Though I've heard it before, it stuck with me this time: Write what you know.

it's still summer

the rain comes

nights are cool, cooler

than the weeks before

the air is chill

with wet

I shiver

anticipating fall and

slipping a sweater

over my head

smelling woodsmoke and

damp leaves

Making Change One Student at a Time

I taught the Financial Management and Fundraising class for the second time at the University of Denver's Graduate School of Social Work this month. It was an "intensive" version of the class. What is normally 33 hours of instruction over 11 weeks was crammed into 24 hours on two Fridays and two Saturdays. Oh, and did I mention that I adopted new textbooks?

After researching new developments in the field, reading the textbooks, redoing my lecture notes and lesson plans in their entirety, and planning the class exercises and handouts, I was ready. I didn't really know what to expect, though, and I was dubious about teaching the course in this format. I wasn't sure how much the students could really absorb in such a short amount of time. They'd have to learn a new language. I'd have to build their skills in reading and interpreting financial statementes, creating budgets, and evaluating development marketing collateral. It was a tall order.

We outdid ourselves. The students were committed, energetic, and smart. I chose the right things to focus on and the right way to teach them. I saw their confidence grow. I got goosebumps at least a dozen times--that's what happens when I'm 100% in the moment and making a connection with the students. I fell in love with teaching all over again. It was amazing.

I'll be grading assignments for the next three weeks, and I can't wait to see how they apply what they learned to the nonprofit organizations they're interested in. I am empowering them to make change, and I am honored to have the opportunity.

My Fan Club

I have a little ritual when I go on an interview. I picture my friends, family, and supporters sitting around me. They don't speak. They just sit quietly and read the newspaper or calmly watch the proceedings. Once in a while, one of them catches my eye and smiles at me or gives an approving nod.

It's my fan club--they're only in my imagination when I'm in an interview, but they're very solid in real life. And boy howdy, am I grateful for them.

For years, some members of the club have proudly and loudly proclaimed that they'd vote for me for president of the United States if I ran. The first time someone said that to me, I was more than a little surprised. Me? The president? That's when I realized I have what they call moxie. Personality. Verve. Spirit. Courage. Know-how. Energy. Initiative. And all of that translates into the ability to inspire, lead, and push the envelope.

I know that I will put my moxie to use in a nonprofit organization again. The universe is, for now, teaching me humility and patience. I thought I had learned those lessons, but I am happy and willing to be a student once more. As long as I have my fan club by my side.

Reflections on Communing with Nature

Bug spray on top of sweat on top of dirt on top of sunscreen on top of sweat on top of bug spray—a modern girl surviving in the forest

There is absolutely nothing like the constant sound of a babbling brook to set your mind at ease.

When I was a kid, I climbed huge boulders on the sides of mountains and threw rocks in streams to see how deep they were. I still do that.

It takes a few days of being away from civilization for the mind to quiet itself.

We have some things to learn from dogs, like when to lie on the dirt and take naps in the sun.

In the mountains, you must be prepared for fifty degrees of temperature change in one day. In July. No kidding. Really.

“Three-season tent” really means “You’re going to freeze, so you better have a really good sleeping bag and a hat.”

Flexibility and balance come in handy when putting on your long underwear while standing on the tops of your shoes.

Wildflowers are the best, most beautiful flowers of all.

Impressions from a Forest

“Is it sad to camp in a grove of dead trees?” I ask.

“No,” he says, and he means it.

We think we see a specimen of the dreaded pine beetle, the one that’s done the dastardly deed. Whatever it is, it flies with its legs hanging straight down like one of those spacecraft on My Favorite Martian. Its antennae are a little bit longer than its body—creepy--and they remind me of curved, serrated knives. A whole lot of weird in a small package.

One lands on the table next to me. I slide my pen tip up under its head to see what it will do. I don’t really want to share the table with it, but I don’t want to hurt it either. I am in its space after all. Nothing happens. I slide the pen out. I think. It waits. I wait.

I slide the pen back over to its side of the table and gently touch one of its front legs. OK, that did it. It leaves, but it doesn’t just fly away like any other self-respecting bug. It takes a few slow steps toward the edge of the table and then lifts its wings and launches itself in the air, flying in its awkward, slow way over to the next little stand of almost-dead trees.

I guess we know who’s king of this jungle.

How Sustainable Are We?

Do you think about sustainability? I do--for nonprofit organizations, animal life, plants, and yes, my lifestyle. I live in a beautiful suburban neighborhood in a little 60s ranch house with big trees and a garden I've spent seven years creating. In Mexico, eight family members would live with me. We'd raise some of our own food on the land. I buy cooked, sliced chicken at Costco that comes in a plastic resealable bag that isn't recyclable. But it's convenient.

I also think about privilege (race, religion, gender, socioeconomic class, heterosexuality, gender role identification, education, body shape/size... the list goes on and on) and how it affects sustainability. Clearly, those who have privilege get to make the rules at the expense of the have-nots, even if that means we ruin it for others. Throwing away trash, throwing away recyclables, throwing away productivity, throwing away people.

Oh, I do "my part"--don't get me wrong. I recycle more than I throw away. I buy used cars. I shop at the thrift store and get perfectly usable stuff for $3.50 instead of $35.00. I check out books at the library rather than buying new ones. With my money and my time, I support nonprofits that promote economic self-sufficiency and sustainability for women and girls. I make changes in my language to change perceptions about those who do not have privilege.

But my part seems so, so tiny.

Peace on the Plains

Over the Memorial Day weekend, Gary and I went birding on the plains east of Denver. I know, I know--it's kind of strange to spend a beautiful sunny day out on the windy prairie in the middle of nowhere. But we have a knack for picking trips that place us exactly where no one else is. And it was the right choice.

Driving on highways and dirt roads that ascend into the great big empty blue sky was pretty close to Nirvana for me. We added at least a dozen birds to our life list and saw environments and bird behavior that we'd never seen before. We glassed pronghorns that were watching us from miles away. We talked about everything and nothing. My thoughts were clear and sharp and then altogether gone.

Our last stop was the Ramah Reservoir, which you would never find unless you were looking really, really hard for it. As we drove up, I was thinking plains + water = trillions of mosquitos, right? But there was a stiff breeze, and I didn't see them at all. We stepped down from the parking area about two feet to start walking toward the lake, and I was immediately enveloped by a hum so loud and so big I felt like I had walked into an alternate universe. There they were. If a bird would fly with his mouth open, he'd have his dinner in thirty seconds flat.

The prairie wind drove pioneer women insane, and after having spent a day out there, I could see why. It's relentless, and it blows dirt into every crevice. But it also keeps away the bugs.

Yes, Women Still Make Less than Men

Attendance was a bit spotty at Denver's Equal Pay Day rally yesterday, but my sister, a friend, and I showed up and held our signs and did our part. What was disconcerting, though, were the recent conversations I had with women about the equal-pay issue. Some of the comments:

"There's not really a problem with that, is there?"

"That's not an issue with high-level jobs."

"Oh really?" followed by dead and most definitely uninterested silence

Wake UP, ladies! This is not just about women working in low-paying jobs (as if that would be OK anyway). The median salary for women attorneys was 71% of the median salary of men in 2006. Don't believe me? Think that all numbers are lies and that statistical studies are twisted? See for yourself on the Bureau of Labor Statistics website, where they list the median weekly salary for hundreds of professions for both men and women.

What do we want? EQUAL PAY!

When do we want it? NOW!

One Small Step for Womankind

SB 122, The Wage Transparency Act, was signed into law last week by Governor Bill Ritter. SB 122 protects employees who share wage and salary information with their co-workers. The lack of information, or transparency, about wages and salaries is a key obstacle to identifying and correcting pay discrimination.

And boy howdy, is there still discrimination. Women in Colorado still make only 81 cents on the dollar compared to men. The studies control for factors such as time on the job and experience, but there's still a big chunk that just isn't explained by anything other than plain old gender bias. The story for men and women of color is even sadder. Check out the Colorado Pay Equity Commission's study "Fulfilling the Promise: Closing the Pay Gap for Women and Minorities in Colorado" for more details and the facts of the matter.

Life Is Full of Flowers

One of three long-time friends who have recently resigned from their jobs came over for lunch yesterday. A long lunch on the deck with someone who is loving life, freedom, and her new perspective is quite a treat, I've got to say. A sweet surprise was that she supported my jewelry habit by buying three of my pieces. And she brought the most beautiful Gerbera daisies in a vase that looks like a picture from a magazine.

A couple of weeks ago, a wonderful, arty friend came over to give me some decorating ideas that will mesh with our new paint colors. And she brought pussywillow and other branches from her garden.

Last week, another friend invited me over to her house for a girls' night and sent me home with a vase full of forsythia branches after a wonderful night of eating and chatting.

My life is full of friends whose love is so vibrantly represented by these beautiful, living things that serve as a daily reminder of how rich life is.

Power Shift

Yesterday I got an email saying that the interview team associated with a job I applied for was "uniformly impressed by your experience and accomplishments," but I did not get the job. And neither did the other two second-round candidates. The interview team is starting over in their search process.

My initial reaction was that I couldn't possibly give up--if I wrote something compelling enough, they'd see just how passionate and smart I was and reconsider. I wrote a long email that discussed the flaws inherent in the traditional interview process and recounted all the ways the interview team had said I was a fit for the position. But I didn't click send. Thankfully. I called to talk a friend, who is also a life coach, about nonprofit issues and ended up telling her about said email.

The conversation went something like this:

Her: It sounds like you're really attached to this.
Me: YES! Even if I don't get the job, I don't want them to repeat the same process and end up in the same place.
Her: What are you going to get out of telling them they're wrong?
Me: Hmm... probably not a whole lot.
Her: What is the likelihood that they'll reconsider you as a candidate or change their hiring process?
Me: Practically nonexistent.
Her: So is that really what you want to do?
Me: No. It's not a very gracious way to end the relationship.

With a few well chosen words and questions, Laurie helped me realize that my need to be right was going to cause me to give away my power and make me look like an idiot. I deleted the entire email except the part that said thank you and good luck. My power returned. My positive energy returned.

Effective coaching packs one heck of a wallop--I had a complete change of perspective in under two minutes. Wow.

Efficacy of Interviews

Job interviews are tough. You have to spend a lot of time researching the company, preparing for the questions the interviewers might ask, getting mentally psyched up to present your "best self," and picturing yourself as a success in the job. And when you're at the interview, you have to remember to relax, smile, and be your true self. No pressure, right?

I'm wondering just how effective the traditional interview can be. One of the recruiters I worked with gave me a set of thirty behavioral interview questions (the kind that asks you to recall an example of a time of when you actually did something rather than asking how you would act in a hypothetical situation). I prepped for them all and can recall being asked such a question exactly twice.

How can someone make a decision about you based on a cover letter, resume, and two one-hour interactions that are forced and high stress? I'm surprised that even a team of interviewers can decide who to put in charge of the finances of an organization or the organization itself when the candidates are all people they barely know. Has anyone talked to even one of my ten professional references? Read my blog? Looked at the jewelry on my Etsy site? Visited my LinkedIn profile? I wonder.

I've heard some people compare the interview process to dating, but I don't know too many people who go on two dates to meet the other person's parents in their home and then decide to get married. Would it be too much to ask to spend a day in the organization? Or to go to lunch or coffee and just sit and chat for a while? Where is the relationship-building--the connection--in this process?

Corporate Philanthropy: Good or (Making Up for) Evil?

This past week, my students brought up an ethical issue that made me think twice. Is it better for for-profit corporations to sin and then repent through corporate philanthropy or to sin and not atone at all?

Perhaps it is a bit hypocritical for that local brewing company to repeatedly dump in the creek and then turn around and give millions to social causes through its foundation. But as a wise friend pointed out, the woman in charge of that foundation likely has no control over, and may not even have any knowledge of, the bad, bad things that the company does, despite the fact that she shares the same last name.

Research shows that 89% of consumers aged 18-35 would switch brands for a comparably priced product if a company showed that it was a "giving" company. Where does your loyalty lie, and do you do the research before you support a company that, on the surface, seems to be charitable?

Asking for Donations Is NOT Begging

At the Colorado Nonprofit Association's annual award luncheon today, I watched a video that moved me to tears about what nonprofits do for the Colorado community. I listened to award recipients who've worked tirelessly for decades talk about what it means to work in philanthropy. I felt good. I felt important. I felt justified in my choice to pursue nonprofit management as a career.

But having spent ten weeks talking to my students about how asking for donations is giving people a chance to match their passion about a mission with an organization's needs, I was infuriated by Lieutenant Governor Barbara O'Brien's speech. She talked about how you have to be comfortable with begging to work in nonprofit organizations. She actually used the word two or three times. She's the former executive director of the Colorado Children's Campaign, so she had a lot of street cred in that room. I heard people around me murmuring in agreement and saw them nodding when she said that.

As long as we have nonprofit leaders and government officials perpetuating that kind of thinking, we will never run our organizations efficiently. We will never maximize donations. We will never help all of the people we are capable of helping. We will never put ourselves out of business by eradicating the social injustice and oppression we fight because we limit our thinking and our possibilities. Wake up, Barbara, and stop teaching the next generation to think just like you.

Spring Is Coming!

I know, I know--we're supposed to get snow tonight. I don't care. Today it's so warm you can be outside without a jacket. The birds are gaily singing, and the mountains are the kind of blue that you could lose yourself in. On my walk this morning, I:

• Saw the first tulips coming up and little patches of green ground cover everywhere
• Heard two meadowlarks calling to each other across the field
• Smelled the first hint of something growing underneath the musty cover of leaves
• Touched the new buds on the tree branches
• Felt the joy of the new season

Hooray!

Learning from Teaching

Last week, a panel of board members was kind enough to give their time to and share their expertise with my students in the nonprofit financial management and fundraising class I teach at DU. Two weeks before that, a panel of executive directors spoke to the class. It was thrilling to see the wheels turning in the students' minds as what I had taught them in class and what they had read in their books came to life right before their eyes. It was true. It was real.

And it was confusing, too. Pitting theory against reality is always a challenge, and never is that more true than in nonprofit organizations. In class, we talk about how nonprofits need to be transparent to their constituents, donors, and the public, but few publish their annual reports or Form 990s (the IRS information return nonprofits must complete) on their websites.

I tell the students that the scarcity mentality is the death of organizations: "begging" for money, not budgeting enough money to compensate qualified personnel, thinking first about cutting expenses rather than raising more money. Then we hear that a very real worry for executive directors of organizations that have been around for a long. long time is that they will not have enough money in the bank to make payroll.

In the end, despite the mixed messages, I know that this class will make an impact on twenty lives. Some of these students will decide that nonprofit management is not for them, that they need to make an impact one person at a time by being social workers. Some will decide that, like me, they will work to change "the system" so that nonprofits will not just survive, but thrive. Maybe one will become an investment banker and live the life some of us secretly envy.

I am blessed to have the opportunity to teach them and learn from them, too. Twenty lives intertwined with mine... awesome.

E's Beads Is Open for Business

I wear the jewelry I make, give it as gifts, and, in the past, sold a few pieces at small craft fairs. Then I found Etsy, which is the online store for all things handmade. If you're a shopper, or you like to buy unique gifts, or you're fascinated by the millions of ways people create art, go there. You won't be disappointed. It's eye candy, it's colorful, and it's always changing.

And now you can buy my handmade jewelry in my online store, E's Beads, at http://www.esbeads.etsy.com/. I'll keep adding pieces, so check back often or subscribe to the RSS feed from my store. Thanks for your support!

Let Your Light Shine

Excerpted from Marianne Williamson's "Return to Love":

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

The Ethics of Credit Checks

This weeek, a student in my nonprofit financial management class questioned the ethics of conducting credit checks on potential employees. The students in my class are social workers, and I'm finding that their code of ethics (http://www.socialworkers.org/pubs/code/code.asp) can be quite different than the code of ethics I live under as a CPA (http://www.aicpa.org/about/code/index.html) and business ethics in general. But as we know, in some cases, business ethics have gotten corporations into a l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-t of trouble.

The student argued that prying into someone's personal financial affairs and making a judgment about her ability to do a job, even a finance or money-handling job, is not in alignment with the basic social-work value of respect for another human being. She gave good examples of how this protocol could be misused and abused. I can definitely see her point, but I don't want to be the nonprofit leader who has to explain how $50,000 was embezzled by an employee I didn't do a background and credit check on.

I'd love to hear your perspective on this issue!

Good Things Come to Those Who Work Hard

Linda Brisnehan of Lockheed Martin, the 2007 Women'sVision Foundation "Woman of the Vision" was the intro speaker at the Women'sVision Savvy Salon last week. She had three tips for the career women in the audience. I found myself nodding my head in agreement after everything she said, and I thought her advice was worth sharing.

1. Work hard and give 100%.
If you work hard, you get a good reputation, and those who have a good reputation see lots of opportunities come their way.

2. Continuously learn.
This really means create your own opportunities by getting smarter and better all the time.

3. Build your network.
Amen, sister. Can't say enough about this one, because all of the new contacts in my network have opened my eyes to whole worlds I didn't even know existed.

Life Is Good

I haven't had a full-time job in seven months. I pay a ridiculous amount of money every month for health insurance. I push myself outside my comfort zone every single day. I'm frustrated with the nonprofit community and its scarcity mentality. I struggle with balancing my time between maintaining contact with the people in my network, building new relationships, working for clients, seeking new clients, getting smarter by going to classes and conducting informational interviews, working as a volunteer, and looking for work. I'm o- u- t- out of money. I have never been busier in my life.

And I've never been happier.

I am true to my values. I'm having fun. I appreciate and admire my husband, family, friends (old and new), colleagues, and students. I'm lucky to live in a democratic country, as flawed as it seems sometimes. I drive a reliable car that's paid for, and I have a beautiful home surrounded by a garden that takes my breath away. I put my skills and experience to work in a meaningful way. I connect with people.

Life is good.

The Love of Her Life

I attended the memorial for my friend's husband, Jim, this week. A clear picture emerged of a man who worked hard, was loving and fiercely loyal to his family, enjoyed the good things in life (good food, beer, music, art), was incredibly well respected as a smart, stubborn, ethical attorney who did what was best for his clients even if it wasn't what was best for him, was a good friend to many, supported other people emotionally his whole life, was not interested in self-promotion or taking credit, and was a patient, caring father.

Sounds like a saint, right? But what I loved about this memorial was that many people who spoke also talked about the things Jim did that drove them crazy because they're what made him him. He played practical jokes and let people ruminate on it for days until he admitted it was a joke. He could be fastidious to the point of obsession. He worked too much and too hard. He separated his personal and professional lives into little compartments. He was a saint with flaws. He was real.

At the end, the family asked the audience to share memories. A young woman came up to the microphone and said that she'd been Jim's massage therapist for 11 years. She knew all about his family but had never met them. She said that she had lost a son and that she and Jim had connected over the heartbreak of losing a child. "I don't know if you know this," she said as she looked at Jim's grown children sitting in the front row, "but he gave me money to adopt a son after I lost my own." Afterward, she hugged each of them in turn like they were her long-lost siblings.

It's easy to see why my friend calls him the love of her life. She and Jim shared many values and qualities and were different enough that they could continuously learn from one another. He will be missed by the hundreds of people he touched with his humor, love, intelligence, and support.

Thankful

This week a friend's husband died, my mom's house caught on fire (house mostly intact; dogs and people all OK), and I found out that my dental hygienist, who is a really great person, got hit by a truck in October, and though she is recovering well, is not quite the same person as before.

I am thankful for my life and all of the good people in it.