Thankful

The last few months have brought a lot of heartache and pain, and also wonderful gifts, learning, and personal growth. As the season changed to fall, I faced many new firsts in the year of firsts without my partner: my birthday, first rain, first snow, first bitter cold day, and of course, the first Thanksgiving. I wondered how I would feel on the holiday, and of course I welcomed back into my heart three of my friends: sadness, and joy, and gratitude.

If there's anything I've learned in the last five months, it's that nothing is black and white. Nothing happens when and how you think it will, so you might as well just relax, have fun, and go along for the ride. I am grateful for the people who have helped me learn those lessons, even when it hurt.

I am also grateful for:

CorePower Yoga and all of the teachers there, especially Maya, Amy Mc, Linda Lou, and Kate; without knowing it, you helped me get through a crisis and then made me a stronger person

My bike, which has taken me on hundreds of miles of paths this summer and given me an outlet for all of my grief and frustration, and also my joyful energy

My sister Lindsey, who will, when she rides with me, ring her bell in the tunnels and yell "Wheeeeee!" on the way down the hills just for the pure fun of it

Emily, who just gets me and is there for me no matter what; her strength and ability to give are bottomless

Heather, Jennifer, Linda, Pam, Erik, Kate, Dan P, Amy, Dru, Tammy, my mom, and Laurie for everything they did to get me this far along in this process, including laughing, packing, moving, unpacking, eating, hanging up stuff in the new place, listening, and talking

Jean Oliphant of Nostalgic Homes, who happens to be my aunt, for her patience during the sale of my house

My therapist Chris, who holds the mirror up without judgment and expertly guides me along this journey of self-exploration, constant change, and growth

The abundance of healthy food that has kept my body fueled

All of the music that has been my constant companion, from country to hip hop to classical to pop to indie rock; the long tail that makes so much music available to us so instantly has been a boon to me

The gift of meditation that led me to my first sustained meeting with a higher power

The executive director and board and committee members of Smart-Girl, who took up the slack when I couldn't be present

My mentee Consuelo, who is a beautiful spirit with a heart of gold and a smile that blinds me with its brilliance

An old car that's paid off and runs, most of the time, without a hitch

My apartment, which is cozy and inviting and doesn't require maintenance

There is more, but I'm thinking this is pretty darn good list. My friends--sadness, joy, and gratitude--think so, too.