I spent last Friday night with my mentee, Consuelo, learning what adolescent girls are facing these days, and how to talk about it. Rosalind Wiseman spoke at Girls, Inc. on the topics of communication, bullying, and why your mom "freaks out." The event was sponsored by Dove, who has a world-wide campaign for real beauty they've been working on for some time. While I expected a lot more interaction and a lot less of the speaker talking, I got some valuable tips. And it opened some doors I didn't know how to open with a 14-year-old girl. So it was time well spent.
Here are some tips for moms and mentors that I found particularly helpful:
-Affirm her feelings.
-Don't ask a million questions.
-Ask if she's venting or wants advice.
-If she's venting, keep your trap shut.
-Don't use her slang. It's not cool.
-Ask her what she means if you don't understand.
-Share your experience without lecturing.
-Just stand there. Really. Pay attention. Listen.
-Let her make "mistakes," meaning she's not going to do it your way.
-Accept silence. People who are comfortable with each other don't need to talk constantly.
-Don't ever make fun of her (not that I would do this, but it's a good reminder).
-Apologize when you screw up. Model that good behavior.
No comments:
Post a Comment