I spent last Friday night with my mentee, Consuelo, learning what adolescent girls are facing these days, and how to talk about it. Rosalind Wiseman spoke at Girls, Inc. on the topics of communication, bullying, and why your mom "freaks out." The event was sponsored by Dove, who has a world-wide campaign for real beauty they've been working on for some time. While I expected a lot more interaction and a lot less of the speaker talking, I got some valuable tips. And it opened some doors I didn't know how to open with a 14-year-old girl. So it was time well spent.
Here are some tips for moms and mentors that I found particularly helpful:
-Affirm her feelings.
-Don't ask a million questions.
-Ask if she's venting or wants advice.
-If she's venting, keep your trap shut.
-Don't use her slang. It's not cool.
-Ask her what she means if you don't understand.
-Share your experience without lecturing.
-Just stand there. Really. Pay attention. Listen.
-Let her make "mistakes," meaning she's not going to do it your way.
-Accept silence. People who are comfortable with each other don't need to talk constantly.
-Don't ever make fun of her (not that I would do this, but it's a good reminder).
-Apologize when you screw up. Model that good behavior.
Showing posts with label generational differences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label generational differences. Show all posts
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Sunday, April 12, 2009
More People You Meet in Your Neighborhood
I walk my little dog quite a bit because he's still a puppy and still being housetrained. We see quite a bit on our walks, Tomas and I, and the weekends are especially busy in my neighborhood. This weekend we ran across a couple of children I haven't seen before: a little boy of about five riding a Big Wheel (if they still make those) and a girl of about seven riding a scooter, the kind you have to push with your own oomph.
I walk by the little girl, who is riding her scooter back up a long stretch of a dead-end street where there is hardly traffic. She's within about half a block of home. I call "Hi!" cheerily as she approaches me. No response. She rolls past me, not making eye contact, moving toward her little brother, who is watching and waiting for her. I frown and roll my eyes behind my sunglasses. When I was a child, it was considered unutterably rude not to respond to and interact with people who addressed you in public.
Has human nature or parenting changed so much in thirty short years that children must be taught to be mortally afraid of strangers? To ignore them and even stick out their tongues as they cling to a parent's legs? I wonder how this training will affect the children's emotional intelligence, which is supposedly THE most important quality for success. I wonder how these kids will change the fabric of our society.
On the way back to the house, a gentleman in his 70s rolls his car up to the curb to chat me up about how he and his wife have a little girl Chihuahua that walks them, instead of the other way around. I laugh, and we talk about how funny it is that little dogs have so much personality. I am grateful for the human interaction. "You have a wonderful day!" he says as he pulls away. "You too!" I shout after him, smiling, feeling good and right about the world once again.
I walk by the little girl, who is riding her scooter back up a long stretch of a dead-end street where there is hardly traffic. She's within about half a block of home. I call "Hi!" cheerily as she approaches me. No response. She rolls past me, not making eye contact, moving toward her little brother, who is watching and waiting for her. I frown and roll my eyes behind my sunglasses. When I was a child, it was considered unutterably rude not to respond to and interact with people who addressed you in public.
Has human nature or parenting changed so much in thirty short years that children must be taught to be mortally afraid of strangers? To ignore them and even stick out their tongues as they cling to a parent's legs? I wonder how this training will affect the children's emotional intelligence, which is supposedly THE most important quality for success. I wonder how these kids will change the fabric of our society.
On the way back to the house, a gentleman in his 70s rolls his car up to the curb to chat me up about how he and his wife have a little girl Chihuahua that walks them, instead of the other way around. I laugh, and we talk about how funny it is that little dogs have so much personality. I am grateful for the human interaction. "You have a wonderful day!" he says as he pulls away. "You too!" I shout after him, smiling, feeling good and right about the world once again.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Java Jive
In the last six months, I've met people at coffee houses all over Denver. It's a running joke between Gary and me that I've been to so many Starbucks, and am intimately familiar with a few, despite the fact that I'm anti-Starbucks.
When I met someone at my favorite Peet's Coffee on the 16th Street Mall a couple of months ago, I realized that coffee shops have changed the face of business. They've given us a neutral, casual place to meet, talk, make deals, and exchange information. In the past, we either had to do a power lunch or dinner or meet in someone's stuffy office or board room.
Tradition and power are the bastions of boomers' and veterans' values. But as the Xers and Y generation have moved up in the professional world, we've made coffee houses our place of choice to change the world. This is a lesson that older, more mature cultures learned hundreds or even thousands of years ago--business conducted in a comfortable environment over a shared pleasure (hot coffee or tea or a sugar-filled delight that pretends to be coffee) builds relationships and is infinitely more fun.
So I guess Starbucks isn't that bad after all. It's a rent-free meeting room that's wired for free Internet access. No wonder the coffee costs $5.
When I met someone at my favorite Peet's Coffee on the 16th Street Mall a couple of months ago, I realized that coffee shops have changed the face of business. They've given us a neutral, casual place to meet, talk, make deals, and exchange information. In the past, we either had to do a power lunch or dinner or meet in someone's stuffy office or board room.
Tradition and power are the bastions of boomers' and veterans' values. But as the Xers and Y generation have moved up in the professional world, we've made coffee houses our place of choice to change the world. This is a lesson that older, more mature cultures learned hundreds or even thousands of years ago--business conducted in a comfortable environment over a shared pleasure (hot coffee or tea or a sugar-filled delight that pretends to be coffee) builds relationships and is infinitely more fun.
So I guess Starbucks isn't that bad after all. It's a rent-free meeting room that's wired for free Internet access. No wonder the coffee costs $5.
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