Measuring Success of Special Events in Nonprofits

Today I attended a webinar titled "In Defense of Events: Measuring Success Beyond the Bottom Line," which was sponsored by GiftWorks Fundraising Software. I've taught classes on fundraising and have had a tough time defending special events, so I was looking for a fresh perspective on this method of fundraising and friendraising. Mission accomplished.

Here are just a few ways to measure success beyond the net funds generated by the event as a whole (based on my personal experience, the classes I've taught, and the recent GiftWorks webinar):

• Number of paid tickets
• Total number of guests
• Number of sponsored tables
• Number of guests in certain categories, such as sponsors or "young community leaders"
• Number of new participants (sponsors and individuals)
• Contribution margin per guest (revenue less expenses, then divide that result by number of guests); this is the amount that is tax deductible for the guest, so larger is better
• Number of media placements before and after the event
• Number of impressions from media placements (circulation numbers of each media source)
• Number of ads placed in program, and number of dollars earned from those ads
• Number of sponsors, and total sponsor dollars
• Number of vendors
• Number of contacts added to the database
• Percentage of growth in any of the above categories year over year, or a three-year or five-year growth rate
• Number of people interested in volunteering added to the database

More lessons learned about special events to follow!

How to Talk to a 14-Year-Old Girl

I spent last Friday night with my mentee, Consuelo, learning what adolescent girls are facing these days, and how to talk about it. Rosalind Wiseman spoke at Girls, Inc. on the topics of communication, bullying, and why your mom "freaks out." The event was sponsored by Dove, who has a world-wide campaign for real beauty they've been working on for some time. While I expected a lot more interaction and a lot less of the speaker talking, I got some valuable tips. And it opened some doors I didn't know how to open with a 14-year-old girl. So it was time well spent.

Here are some tips for moms and mentors that I found particularly helpful:

-Affirm her feelings.

-Don't ask a million questions.

-Ask if she's venting or wants advice.

-If she's venting, keep your trap shut.

-Don't use her slang. It's not cool.

-Ask her what she means if you don't understand.

-Share your experience without lecturing.

-Just stand there. Really. Pay attention. Listen.

-Let her make "mistakes," meaning she's not going to do it your way.

-Accept silence. People who are comfortable with each other don't need to talk constantly.

-Don't ever make fun of her (not that I would do this, but it's a good reminder).

-Apologize when you screw up. Model that good behavior.

Exercise as Meditation

It's been a while since I last posted: I've been working quite a bit and spending time on volunteer endeavors. I've also been creating space and new energy for spring, the new year, and the new decade. A piece of creating that energy is getting outside again to work in the garden and walk.

Walking in the neighborhood is convenient and quiet, which I appreciate. But I also walk on trails and in open space parks to change the scenery and listen to new bird song. No matter the location, I notice the little things, like how the bare spring branches look against the blue, blue sky. Or how tiny the purple flowers are on the ground cover that has just greened up. Or how the grumpy old man who walks with his grumpy dog twice a day, every single day seems a little less stooped when the weather turns warmer.

The robin's song is calming, while the grackle's and the red-winged blackbird's calls give me a little jolt of energy. When there is water, I tune in to the sound of it and slow down to admire a particularly fast or slow place in the stream and think about the fish that are (I hope) swimming there. Sunlight-dappled trails, stunning views of the mountains, and watching the growth of the leaves on the trees engender an intensely meditative state even while I am breathing hard and working with my hand weights.

Interestingly, what I do not like about these walks is interacting with other folks on the trail. Colorado walkers and bikers usually say hello as they pass, and I don't want to say hi back. Being an extrovert, this seems like a contradiction in my personality, but it does drive me a little mad. I am "in the zone" when I'm walking, and having to make eye contact with and greet dozens or hundreds of people takes me right out of it. I feel like I'm dating or networking at sonic speed, which is exhausting.

Exercise, for me, is meditation. I've tried to problem solve on these walks alone, and my mind is just blank. I wonder how many other people feel the same way. Perhaps we could all just say no to speed dating on the trail and instead focus on our breathing and just which shade of blue the sky is today. Would that make the time spent outside more satisfying, and more fun?

You Had Me at Hello

It seems like a lot of people get really grumpy about Valentine's Day, and I'm not sure why. Maybe you think it's only for lovers, and without a lover, there's nothing to celebrate. Maybe you think it's just another Hallmark-manufactured holiday that has no meaning. Or maybe you feel you can't live up to the unexpressed, unknown wishes of your honey-bun. Let me provide a little perspective.

Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. The way I see it, Valentine's Day is a time to tell all the people you love just how much they mean to you. It's the one day a year when your friends and family won't bat an eye if they get a card or a call just to say, "I love you and I'm really glad you're in my life." I sent more than 60 Valentine cards this year, and I felt scroogish that I hadn't sent more. But almost everyone says that mine was the only Valentine they received. Maybe that made it all the more special, but I'm still surprised by the lack of heart sharing.

Perhaps you can do what I do; to get in the Valentine's mood, I watch my favorite love stories: Chocolat, Don Juan de Marco, Pretty Woman, and Jerry Maguire. This year I added a couple of the old love stories: Love in the Afternoon with Audrey Hepburn and Gary Cooper and An Affair to Remember with Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr.

An Affair to Remember has one of the most beautiful scenes I've ever watched. The two main characters, who were both engaged to other people but had started to fall for each other while on a cruise, visit his grandmother. She lives in an island villa at one of the ports where the ship stops for the day. It is one of the most romantic, lovely couple of hours ever. His love for his grandmother shines through, and there's just a hint of a budding love between the two stars. Here's a great montage of the movie that gives you the flavor of it.

These old love stories are without special effects, noise, and explosions. They are perhaps the most simple, back-to-the-basics stories, with haunting music and almost Spartan sets. But in their simplicity, or maybe because of it, they ring true. They remind me why I love Valentine's Day, and perhaps they will inspire you to share your love, too.

Emotionally Focused Therapy -- Breakthrough!

My sister, who is working on her master's degree in psychology, told me about a treatment modality called Emotionally Focused Therapy that is becoming more and more accepted as THE way to work with couples in counseling. I'm reading a book about it called Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson and have gone through a couple of sessions with a counselor who uses this method. And I have to say it's pretty amazing.

The premise is that like children, adults must also have emotional attachments. The bond between adults is more reciprocal, and when it's between lovers, it's also sexual, but the point is that we're not happy unless we have deep, meaningful, emotional bonds with other adults. Until we address the underlying, most fundamental emotional connection issues, all the active listening and negotiation in the world is not going to make a happy marriage. Ding ding ding ding! Tell her which fabulous prize she's won, Bob!

This theory immediately resonated with me and spoke to everything I felt, though it went against everything I thought. I (like you?) have learned that adults need to be self-sufficient and entirely independent. It's nice if you have close relationships friends and family, but you're a bit odd and perhaps need some therapy if you *rely* on others for emotional support. And if you count on your life partner to be your best friend, lover, cheerleader, teacher, and coach, well, good luck to you. That was all of the programming I was fighting as my emotional side was saying, "Oh, finally! Yes, yes, yes! I do need someone I can count on, and I need to be the person he counts on."

Click. Lots of things just fell into place. Like why I don't really feel safe with friends who aren't there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to. Like why I never have conflict with the people who are there for me--those folks are not perfect, but we quickly and successfully resolve any little trifling problems because the relationship is solid. Like why that distant, analytical, judgmental side of me never really fit somehow.

If this resonates with you, I'd encourage you to read the book Hold Me Tight. It's written for the lay person but still talks about the research behind Emotionally Focused Therapy. It guides you through several meaningful dialogues you can use with your partner (this book is geared toward the relationship between lovers, but much of it applies to anyone with whom you'd like to have a deep emotional bond). And it validates the need we have for real and reliable emotional attachment to other human beings.

A Little Trust Goes a Long Way

I have a fairly long-standing relationship with one of my clients--I'll call her Lauren. Lauren sends quite a bit of work my way, and it's work I enjoy. I have to use many different skills to do this work, including sales, relationship building, writing, editing, critical thinking, problem solving, and organization. So it keeps me on my toes. An added bonus from this relationship is that Lauren makes me laugh. She sends me emails at midnight that have witty little comments thrown in, mostly about people she doesn't like all that much.

She's fairly critical of people, and she has high standards. I understand this because I have high expectations, too--a character trait for which I've been both faulted and lauded. The fact that she continues to send me work is the highest compliment. She trusts me to do right by her.

Even so, it took me by surprise when she asked me to write a letter for her mother. Her mom needs help resolving an issue with "an institution," and Lauren is too tired and busy with work to do it right now. "I'll have her send you some bullet points, and you can write the letter. Is that OK?" Are you kidding? You trust me with your own mother's personal business, and you're sending me more work, and you want to know if it's OK? Um, yeah, I'm humbled and grateful, and you just made my day.

An Eye for an Eye

Driving through a neighborhood last week with my sister, not too far from my house, she pointed out a bumper sticker that says, "Hatred of homosexuals is a family value." I'd like to make a bumper sticker that says, "Hate is not one of my family values."

Talking with a neighbor a couple of months ago, I learned that some neighbors were very vocal about "those people" (Latinos) moving into a house down the street. "Those people" volunteered to help us move our mountain of mulch just to be nice, by the way.

In a meeting with a few faculty members at DU, one person talked about how she cried her way through her PhD program. It's where she experienced full-fledged "body hatred" by others (the PhD students in the program) for the first time.

I am in support of the first amendment. I acknowledge that everyone is at a different point on a continuum of experience and awareness. I try to meet people where they are, and I expect them to meet me where I am.

But where's the love, for cryin' out loud? Where's the understanding, the patience, and the caring? Where's our humanity? Are we so wrapped up in ourselves and our own problems that we have not an ounce of compassion left over for anyone else? I wonder how to stop the cycle, and two of Gandhi's teachings come to mind:

An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.

We must become the change we want to see in the world.

And to that I say YES!

The Power of Positive Thinking

A story called "Emotional Training Helps Kids Fight Depression" aired this morning on National Public Radio. The story opens with an adult man talking about how he's lived with negative self-talk his whole life. After years of cognitive behavioral therapy, he finally replaced the self-flagellation with talk of, "I'll be able to do it better next time."

The interviewer moves to a class full of 10-year-old kids, where the teacher is trying to teach them emotional resilience skills so that they don't spend a lifetime telling themselves they're not good enough. Good enough for what? For whom? Why do we kill the joy in children so early? Programs like Smart-Girl try to mitigate the effects of this social training, but how much permanent change can we effect when the problem is so big? Why, as a society, are we stuck in this endless loop of unfulfilled unhappiness?

Sometimes (and I wish there were more of those times), I feel so connected to the universal consciousness that I float free, blissfully unshackled from the tape in my head. In those moments, I see and know and feel everything and am at peace with it all. The moments don't last long, but I know from conversations with others that I'm lucky to have them at all. Oh, to capture the complex path of neural connections that happens in those moments and be able to repeat them, on command. Maybe scientists should focus on THAT task instead of curing all of the diseases we develop because of stress and constant worry.

But I do my part by being involved with Smart-Girl, curtailing my own recording, and demonstrating for my mentee Consuelo that setbacks are temporary and not to be taken personally. We shall overcome.

Tasty Humble Pie

Many different clients use my writing, editing, and business consulting services. There's one I correspond with solely via email, and she's a "get 'er done" person, just like me. We fire off opinions, questions, answers, and info without regard for niceties or a "How was your weekend?" and everything is just peachy. We get a lot done in a short amount of time, sometimes at midnight.

Another client requires quite a bit of finessing. I spend time choosing words carefully so as not to offend his sensibilities. Another client was a friend and colleague before she was ever a client, and I know that our relationship will survive any storm. It's nice to know that, with her, I can be completely me and never have to worry that I'm being judged harshly.

And there are others--all completely different from one another. The work is different, too, as are the lessons that the work and the clients teach me. I love it all! But there is one client... We don't do a lot of work together, and we haven't known each other all that long. Her belief system, her experiences, and her personality are quite different than mine, yet we are connected at a profoundly deep level. She was the first to call me a "writing coach." Not editor, not ghost writer, not teacher, but writing coach. She likes what I do because I preserve her voice rather than editing it all out to be perfectly correct and precise.

And then, in response to an email I sent with appreciation for the positive words she sends to her followers, she said, "I thank God for you." Now that's something you don't hear every day. I've had people say they pray for me, and believe me, I welcome their prayers. I welcome all positive energy put out into the universal consciousness on my behalf. But to have someone thank God for me? I'm humbled. I'm grateful. I'm in awe of the light and grace that flow from her.

There's a reason I've been in this "transition" period for a while. Oh, I could blame the economy. I could blame the flood of wonderful, qualified applicants I'm in competition with. But really, I think I was meant to learn these lessons. To know that I can connect with such vastly different people on a meaningful level. To know that my work means something in the wide world. To know that I have changed others' lives and they have changed mine. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Please Wish Me a Merry Christmas

This year I have done more to get in the holiday spirit than in any year before. Rather than stress out and worry about getting exactly the right gifts for the right people, I chose and wrapped presents and put them under the tree weeks before Christmas.

We watched every Christmas movie I could think of, including "Miracle on 34th Street," which I'd never seen before, if you can believe it. I saw "Polar Express," which has the the most realistic depiction of Santa's workshop and elves that anyone could dream up. I saw "Bad Santa," which is a hysterically funny dark comedy with Billy Bob Thornton playing the drunk, debauched mall Santa who has a little theft problem. And of course there's always "Home Alone," which makes me laugh so hard I get a great rush of endorphins.

We saw lights on houses, and Blossoms of Light at the Botanic Gardens. We went to my friend Kate's Christmas concert, which rocked the house (check out the Colorado Chorale's concert schedule here). We went to the tuba Christmas concert downtown. I had a ball!

But a friend of mine who is Jewish posted a message on Huffington Post titled "Please Don't Wish Me a Merry Christmas," and it really got me thinking about why I celebrate the holiday. I'm not a Christian (fully 25% of folks in the U.S. are not, lest you think I'm a freak of sorts). It's a bit disconcerting to think that my motives are purely commercial and gluttonous. Who doesn't like to get gifts and eat good food? But I have to say that all this getting in the holiday spirit made me realize that I believe in Christmas because it makes (some of) us feel goodwill toward each other.

People give lots of money and gift to charity at Christmastime. We get together and laugh and love and give hugs to folks we don't see that often. We bake cookies for the neighbors. We wish strangers happy holidays and mean it. And from a practical standpoint, it gives us some way to deal with long nights and short days, cold weather, and the associated seasonal affective disorder (SAD). So I'll continue to celebrate the holiday every year, though I don't celebrate it for the traditional religious reasons. Peace on earth, goodwill toward men.