Under a Cornflower Blue Sky

Hiking at Barr Lake before the leaves came out this spring

These last two years have a been a wild ride. The grief part was not so fun, but the rest I've enjoyed more than a body has a right to. After I let go of the need to control my world (and the idea that I actually could control my world--ha ha), I had a lot more fun.

Talking to a new friend last night at happy hour, I explained my philosophy. Nothing really irks me, or if it does, it's momentary. Sure, sometimes I get down or anxious, but now I can recognize the old pattern (neural, emotional, behavioral, physical, whatever) and that it doesn't serve me anymore. The lesson of, "Notice it, sit with it, laugh about it, and then let it go," has sunk in after much repetition and practice.

"You realize that's an extraordinary claim to make," my friend, Adam, said, referring to my self-proclaimed ability to be content and happy 99% of the time. I looked at him and smiled. That's all I can do these days, smile and laugh. But he believed me. I could tell. There are some people you meet, and you immediately know they are genuine. He's one, and I'm one.

Finally, finally, I'm doing nothing but attracting the right kind of people into my life. These are the folks who speak their truth, have a deep understanding of how lucky they are to have the things they have, and can accept who they are right now while being open to change. Manifestation is a powerful, powerful tool.

And speaking of lucky, I haven't made a gratitude list lately. Here it is, in no particular order:

• Friends and family who love me, support me, and challenge me to be a better person
• My teacher and classmates in the year-long seminary program I am about to complete (see my website at TheDivineInYou.com for more info on my intuitive healing and spiritual facilitation services)
• A beautiful community to live in, and the bike path I can hop on at a moment's notice
• Sunshine, the smell of flowers and freshly mown grass, bird song
• A reliable car
• Healthy food to eat
• My health
• A certain little brown dog who lives with me
• Technology
• Music in its infinite variations
• Really good stout beer
• Consciousness and connection to the larger world

Amen!

More recent adventures that are part of the new, "Let go and have fun" philosophy:

Messing around at the Stock Show in January

Visiting the tiny little house I grew up in this spring

About to dig in to a delicious dessert to celebrate the New Year

In the Thick of Things

Seth Godin posted on his blog today about the world of possibilities in relation to a hiker called Wolf who carries 14 pounds of weight on his treks. For you non-hiking, non-camping people out there, 14 pounds is sort of like the four-minute mile: theoretically impossible, but somehow achievable by the elite few.

In the the story Godin referred to, the McDuffy couple was inspired by Wolf. Each time the McDuffy couple returned from their hikes, they gave away more of their stuff, including a boat, pickup, and windsurfer. Ultimately, they stopped paying for insurance on their home and belongings because they knew that they could live, "...in a much smaller house with drastically fewer possessions."

Having just renegotiated my homeowners' insurance and purchased an umbrella policy to further protect all of my things, this story struck a chord with me. Just how much stuff does one person need to survive? How much food, how much furniture, how many cars, how many toys? I probably spend more money on flowers to make my deck pretty each spring than some families spend on food in two months. Then I water those flowers three or four or five times a week, and they die at the end of the season.

In mouse type at the bottom of the article, it says that both of the McDuffys were killed in hit-and-run accidents (two separate accidents two years apart) while riding their bikes. It struck me how unjust that was--they were doing a fantastic job figuring out the whole life thing, and then they were taken from it. But then I realized that they had probably learned all they needed to in this world and were ready to move on to another plane of existence.

My umbrella insurance policy and I are nowhere near that plane, but I am inspired. I am thinking.

An Eye for an Eye

Driving through a neighborhood last week with my sister, not too far from my house, she pointed out a bumper sticker that says, "Hatred of homosexuals is a family value." I'd like to make a bumper sticker that says, "Hate is not one of my family values."

Talking with a neighbor a couple of months ago, I learned that some neighbors were very vocal about "those people" (Latinos) moving into a house down the street. "Those people" volunteered to help us move our mountain of mulch just to be nice, by the way.

In a meeting with a few faculty members at DU, one person talked about how she cried her way through her PhD program. It's where she experienced full-fledged "body hatred" by others (the PhD students in the program) for the first time.

I am in support of the first amendment. I acknowledge that everyone is at a different point on a continuum of experience and awareness. I try to meet people where they are, and I expect them to meet me where I am.

But where's the love, for cryin' out loud? Where's the understanding, the patience, and the caring? Where's our humanity? Are we so wrapped up in ourselves and our own problems that we have not an ounce of compassion left over for anyone else? I wonder how to stop the cycle, and two of Gandhi's teachings come to mind:

An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.

We must become the change we want to see in the world.

And to that I say YES!

Inclusiveness in the Classroom

I joined the Inclusive Excellence Faculty Community at the University of Denver this fall, and we had our first orientation meeting this week. One of the participant's comments keeps coming back to me: "It's not always the responsibility of the underprivileged to point out the mistakes and privilege of the people in power." Some of the black folks and white allies in the group agreed that they do get burned out on it. Then another participant quoted Bishop Desmond Tutu who said something to the effect of, "To be silent in the face of oppressor is to be allied with the oppressor."

Can you tell that these people are some of the best minds in the academic world? And then there's practical, realistic me. When we talked about barriers to creating inclusive excellence in the classroom, I said that it reduces my hourly rate and cuts into billable time. Seriously, I tracked my hours spent on class last quarter, and after accounting for my time and expenses, I grossed (that's before taxes) somewhere around $13.50 an hour. Another adjunct tells me, "You're better off working at Wendy's." Well, not quite, but it is a labor of love, for sure.

What is the driving force that pushed me to become involved in this group, which means more meetings and discussions and emails? One of my core values is continuous improvement, and that's high up on the list of motivating factors in this case. I want to constantly evolve into a higher state of being, and I want to be a better teacher every time I teach. And it's also a forgiving group that will provide some basic peer support, which is pretty much absent for adjunct faculty. I get to talk to people who struggle with the same issues I do, and they'll tell me it's OK when I screw up; it's all a journey.

Forgiveness and support and a push to be a better person. It's like Nirvana for me, actually. So forget my hourly rate. I'll consider it a cheaper solution than therapy.

Vibrant Voluntarism

I try to become more conscious of my life every day. For example, normally I just consume books and movies, but now I've been asking myself what lessons I learned from the movie or why I liked or disliked the book. As I told my friend Amy today, it's sort of like having a book club in your head.

I've been applying those same ideas to other areas of my life as well. I'm trying to figure out and articulate why I love Smart-Girl so much, because it's been such a great experience and I'd like to apply the same principles to other nonprofits.

First, I believe in the mission. We educate pre-adolescent girls in a fun and nonthreatening way and give them the life skills they'll need to become confident, capable, and self-reliant women. It just doesn't get closer to my heart than that.

Second, the members of the board of directors are smart, fun, and dedicated. At the board meeting last night, we were talking about how we could get through our meetings more quickly if we had a different kind of meeting, where we didn't laugh, followed Robert's Rules of Order, and were cut and dried. And someone says, "Ooooooh, let's not do THAT," and that was the end of the discussion. We like a little bit of bonding and fooling-around time, just like we provide for the girls in the program. Fun is one my core values, as anyone who knows me well will tell you. I like to laugh.

Third, my skill set and I are valued, and I know it because I'm thanked routinely in a meaningful way. Also, I like the work I do for the organization because it's a fit for me. I was elected as the treasurer starting January 1. Woohoo!

Last, I love this gig because we are not perfect and we know it. We do great things for the girls, and we're improving all the time. This aspect of the organization appeals to my core value of continuous improvement in a big way.

OK, so I like the work, I feel valued, I have fun, and I believe I make a difference to the organization and the girls we serve. What are the lessons I can apply to other organizations?

1) Make sure the volunteers are closely allied with the mission. I teach this in my class, and everyone involved with volunteer management will tell you it's essential.

2) Carefully match the work volunteers do with their skills and areas of interest. Envelope stuffing is really only appropriate for a few volunteers. Don't we all look for meaning in our work?

3) If you look for volunteers with the same core values as the organization, they'll stay longer and be more productive during their service.

Happy Thanksgiving!

As I think about what I'm grateful for, I'm surprised by how different my life is this year than last. So much has changed, and I've brought about all of that change because I've had the space to find my values and power again. And I am oh-so-grateful for that space. Here's what else makes my heart light:

The robins having a little party in my garden today

Being part of the DU community

My students and the lessons they teach me

Milo the nephew dog

My sister Lindsey

My partner Gary

My mom

The clients who make me laugh

The lovely house I live in and the garden that surrounds me

Beads and making pretty baubles

Emily, Shannon, Heather, Amy, and Merry, who have been friends through good times and bad

Having my mentee, Consuelo, in my life

The staff and fellow board members at Smart-Girl

Barack Obama

Music! There was a great series of essays about music on This American Life (a show aired on NPR) last weekend, and one of the people on the show said this: "A chord here... A chord there... And your heart splits open." Yeah.


Blessings upon you.

Learning from Teaching

Last week, a panel of board members was kind enough to give their time to and share their expertise with my students in the nonprofit financial management and fundraising class I teach at DU. Two weeks before that, a panel of executive directors spoke to the class. It was thrilling to see the wheels turning in the students' minds as what I had taught them in class and what they had read in their books came to life right before their eyes. It was true. It was real.

And it was confusing, too. Pitting theory against reality is always a challenge, and never is that more true than in nonprofit organizations. In class, we talk about how nonprofits need to be transparent to their constituents, donors, and the public, but few publish their annual reports or Form 990s (the IRS information return nonprofits must complete) on their websites.

I tell the students that the scarcity mentality is the death of organizations: "begging" for money, not budgeting enough money to compensate qualified personnel, thinking first about cutting expenses rather than raising more money. Then we hear that a very real worry for executive directors of organizations that have been around for a long. long time is that they will not have enough money in the bank to make payroll.

In the end, despite the mixed messages, I know that this class will make an impact on twenty lives. Some of these students will decide that nonprofit management is not for them, that they need to make an impact one person at a time by being social workers. Some will decide that, like me, they will work to change "the system" so that nonprofits will not just survive, but thrive. Maybe one will become an investment banker and live the life some of us secretly envy.

I am blessed to have the opportunity to teach them and learn from them, too. Twenty lives intertwined with mine... awesome.

Good Things Come to Those Who Work Hard

Linda Brisnehan of Lockheed Martin, the 2007 Women'sVision Foundation "Woman of the Vision" was the intro speaker at the Women'sVision Savvy Salon last week. She had three tips for the career women in the audience. I found myself nodding my head in agreement after everything she said, and I thought her advice was worth sharing.

1. Work hard and give 100%.
If you work hard, you get a good reputation, and those who have a good reputation see lots of opportunities come their way.

2. Continuously learn.
This really means create your own opportunities by getting smarter and better all the time.

3. Build your network.
Amen, sister. Can't say enough about this one, because all of the new contacts in my network have opened my eyes to whole worlds I didn't even know existed.

Life Is Good

I haven't had a full-time job in seven months. I pay a ridiculous amount of money every month for health insurance. I push myself outside my comfort zone every single day. I'm frustrated with the nonprofit community and its scarcity mentality. I struggle with balancing my time between maintaining contact with the people in my network, building new relationships, working for clients, seeking new clients, getting smarter by going to classes and conducting informational interviews, working as a volunteer, and looking for work. I'm o- u- t- out of money. I have never been busier in my life.

And I've never been happier.

I am true to my values. I'm having fun. I appreciate and admire my husband, family, friends (old and new), colleagues, and students. I'm lucky to live in a democratic country, as flawed as it seems sometimes. I drive a reliable car that's paid for, and I have a beautiful home surrounded by a garden that takes my breath away. I put my skills and experience to work in a meaningful way. I connect with people.

Life is good.

Are You Courageous?

My core values are fairness, creativity, fun, intelligence, continuous improvement, collaboration, courage, and leadership. Here's a quote from Maya Angelou to put courage in perspective:

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.